A physical safe space is a sanctuary of your own, the place where you go to recharge and rejuvenate. A judgment-free zone, it is a haven filled with all your most precious things.
Safe spaces can be difficult to find, and safe spaces can easily be ripped out from beneath your feet, as well.
What I wish to share is how to transcend a physical safe space and create a safe space inside of yourself.
Finding a physical safe space can really be challenging. We can’t rely on external factors to always align. I’ve had difficult roommates, landladies, even living with my parents was a challenge. My will is strong, and if I feel injustice I can not hold back.
I strive to always speak my truth. This is not always received well.
Since we can’t control the external physical conditions, we must learn how to create a safe space and safe harbor within ourselves. Wherever we are.
When I close my eyes, I feel safe. I am inside myself, no longer looking outward to try to understand the world. All that matters is me, my thoughts, and my body.
I’m typing this as I sit on public transit. I’ve always felt some of the most peace I can feel when I’m on public transit. I guess it is the complete opposite to being in a room that is your own. The space is public, and it is constantly moving.
Sometimes I even feel that I’m more comfortable in flux and moving than in my room.
My physical safe spaces have felt ripped from me many times, and when I’m in my unsafe room, I tend to binge — on food, and on TV. Anything to escape.
Maybe this is what I need in those moments, though. I don’t have much of a routine, and maybe I’ve trained myself to find the most comfort in flux. Perhaps if I had a steady 9–5 job, 5 days a week, where I went home each day, I would have a better routine.
I always try to tell myself I can do better than all my binging. My room at home didn’t feel safe anymore, and that is the first sign of me feeling uncomfortable: binging to numb my feelings.
I can do better. I will do better.
I encourage everyone out there to define what activities make you feel safe and well, no matter where you are. Perhaps you do have a regular routine and this sparks the feeling of safety. Maybe this is a stretch, or a particular smell of an essential oil that you keep with you at all times.
Here are my steps to safety, to dissect and replace my bad habits:
1) I close my eyes, cover them, and dive into myself. I start self-massaging, since I know well anatomically what is going on under the skin surface and what my body needs.
2) Food is a psychological safety net for me. I could replace that with something else orally in order to satisfy my oral fixation, and need for flavor and taste. For instance, tea. And coconut oil pulling. I will strive to do that.
3) Finally, I binge on TV instead of rationally turning it off after a certain point and being done. Perhaps I need something coming in, some content, some idea, even someone’s voice. There are days that I go without human interaction.
I must ask myself what I need, what will make me feel comforted and ready to rest and surrender.
4) And also remind myself that sleep is the greatest healer. We are all severely sleep-deprived. I can tell that when I wake up in the morning and my eyes don’t feel fully rejuvenated. Those eyes need a break. They need to shut. off.
True safe space exists within us all.
Unsafe spaces can be triggering, promoting bad habits and behaviors that we resort to in order to feel safe and comforted.
We can find this peace within ourselves. Safe space exists within all of us. Even when every possible condition seems against us.
Trust that your body and your mind know what you need.
I believe a safe space exists in each and every person, and that they must unlock it from within their soul. We can’t rely on externalities to be safe. There are too many factors at hand. Oppressive forces that will always be present until we learn the mental tools to not let those bother us.
The same challenges will keep popping up in a different form until we learn to deal with it from within.
I believe in everyone’s ability to unlock the safe space within themselves.
Close your eyes, take a dive inward.
Your safe haven exists inside of yourself.
Trust the journey, trust the process.
Trust yourself. ❤